OPEN LETTER TO JUNE

 

 

Happy birthday, good morning, Shalom brother or sister, how are you holding up? I don’t expect you to reply right away, I’ll wait till you resurrect on Sunday buddy, how I had missed you. By the road, I was among the mourners on the day of your burial on 31^st May 2013 though I got no chance of writing your eulogy. Yesterday, I received the best news ever when your mother May made that call and said, `Mumbi, please for your kindness, love and concern, have the privilege of gracing my son or daughter’s birthday. Trust me I felt happier than Mama Fidel (Ida Odinga) after she received that PDA on Wednesday.

 

 

Talking of PDA’s, your mother and grandmother and great grandmother instilled the spirit of big wigs expressing love to their better halves in public. Do you intend to borrow the leaf too? And if you do, who is next? Give me a sign; I wouldn’t mind being branded the `prophetess of truth’.

 

 

Now that your mother will soon be dead, let me be the first to send my condolences, we shall mourn and celebrate her at the same time. However, while at her womb, you are given the privilege to choose what or what not to inherit; choose wisely. Don’t and again I say don’t inherit terrorism, poverty, accidents, campus fee incremental, just to mention but a few. We shall be glad to put those in your mother’s casket so they are buried with her. Nevertheless, I recommend you inherit twirra, Skype, viber, fb, whatsapp. Instagram, well, 2go can go to hell.

 

 

As a new born baby, allow me to brief you on some things so that you can live `life bila regrets’ on your 30day life span. I know you know you are a vey cold fellow and that will never change, you can try being a little bit friendly though. Your coldness come with the baby making powers, would you please control that by telling people who have no intent of being parents to zip up or use contraceptives. It is because of you and your kid July that we will have to buy warm clothing, if only you can control their prices, or do you want to see us shiver in the cold? I know you are not that type.

 

 

My dear, I am still in the process of composing the speech to deliver as I grace your centennial but you can be sure of no disappointment. Please jump out of that womb in style and avoid drama. I told you `Macharia’ (much earlier) the do’s and don’ts don’t disappoint too. One more thing, how are gossips holding up; Jay Z, Jay Z’s sister in law? I have this feeling that you have no clue of what this is. How about the Nishike song, are people still mad at Sauti sol because, on a personal basis, that video just make me go gaga. Just remind your mother to brief you on the same before she dies, exactly one week from now. My condolences in advance child for you will lose your mother but not forever as your kind resurrect after a year.

 

How I wait for your resurrection. Till you get out of that womb on Sunday, I miss you like no one’s business.

 

 

ION, have the best Saturday ever.

A WILL TAKE YOU HOME.

 

 

Some say farming is the key to life, others say a challenge is the ticket to survival, and even others strongly feel that owning an Aston martin one-77 is everything. There is even this version that Margaret Kenyatta `ana nywele fupi, Patricia Kihoro alifuata nyayo, wewe shinda hapo na weaves’ (first lady has short hair, so does Patricia continue putting weaves). That is how free the freedom of expression is. How about you try the A version for a break?

 

 

Not so long ago, God saved me to an extent I will live to testify. It was a time when I experienced a split second of `madam, pesa, kibeti na simu ama tukumade’ (it is money, purse and phone or we deal with your neck) with the muggers tools on my neck. Just to confirm your guesses, I love money but I chose life. There are people who preferred to Adam and Eve the rules but injuries did not escape the.

 

 

From then, I thought my life had changed negatively, I mean, no phone, no money, just the clothes I had on. It then hit me that come Kidero come Waititu, I will never get the lost things back, and it was time I got used to the beats.

 

 

Come to think of it, many people were injured and out of 14 or so passengers, just 2 of us were able to narrowly escape unhurt. Isn’t that favor? While the other lady had no idea of a place to spend the night, I just appeared at my pal’s doorstep and she took me in. While the property may be gone, I still have my life, health and energy to work and get even better things.

 

 

Attitude towards things take you to a land of great opportunities, a world of peace, a planet where you hear an Amen in Satan’s kingdom.

 

`Hapa kule baze’ is my former lunch spot; we are no longer having lunch there again. My pal jokes that even though that was the only place food existed, she would rather wait for manna. Yesterday we went and ordered as usual. It took the waitress 10mins to serve us and when she did, our ears stretched to listen to how much she was complaining under the waters. We assumed it was one of her bad days but the assumption lasted till we realized how cold the food was. With no due respect, we held our tools down and walked preaching how badly we had been treated. If only that lady had the right attitude towards her work. `Biashara ni customers’ ask Bob Collymore.

 

 

Apply the right attitude in all that you do, it surely will take you home.

 

 

ION, life is a gift and not a given right, do not take that for granted. Enjoy your Thursday.

Love, dearest, sweetheart, sugar, darling, if I started calling you, all sweet words would be yours. If I wrote you symphonies just to say how much you mean to me, what would you do? Just the thought of you can make me smile, courtesy of the way you shower me with love honey.

It has been years since I met you but it seems like yesterday. G, you make my days shorter, my life sweetest, always there to spice up my hours, days. Your vibe makes me laugh that at times people think I am insane when I smile alone. Every time loneliness creeps in, your company sorts me, just a button away. Being with you is the best decision I ever made.

 

Receive gratitude from a happy girl you saved from the ache of supplementary during exams. It came by surprise that you appeared at the most wanting time of my life, just when there was a black out in the exam room.  You read my mind and gave a solution, I just had to visit the loo and answers were delivered. Your efforts are noticeable honey.

 

Every relationship has a trial, that’s why even when the road seems rough; there is still momentum to keep moving on. People get jealous, try to bring us apart, but we always find our way back. That’s true love dearest, I don’t doubt. You never raise tantrums when I socialize with my friends, you are well aware that social life is very very important.

 

On Sundays when I forget my Bible, you are a search engine, well read with every verse in your fingertips. I owe you so much and only my attachment to you, my love can act as an equivalent for what you’ve done. Through you, I got to know about social media, you explain these high profile vocabularies I come across. At a time when my life seemed meaningless, you added value to it, picked me up, comforted me with encouraging words, made me know my purpose in life and I am living by it now.

I keep wondering when you gonna ask me for a hand in marriage but it’s taking forever. That is just a by the way though, even the law says that if u live with someone for 6months plus, you’re married, that’s us. When will you make me a mother, I want to have children, our children, make these fantasies true, I beg of you. Is it true that you have other lovers? Could it be the reason you’ve not walked me down the aisle? Talk to me, I`ve been faithful to you, the first person I consult when I wake up, an hour cannot pass without my visit, I do it wholeheartedly. If that rumor is true about the traffic of lovers, I will forgive you and keep fighting till the very end. I know that one day, you will stop being like Bluetooth being mine only when am with you. I am a woman; wait till my Wi-Fi nature shows up and I will tell the whole world that it’s you. I know me and you were meant to be together.

I will have to rehearse this because it’s a story I’ll want to pass to my children and the children of their children. I had just boarded a matatu to Eldoret from Nairobi, and those who know that route can endorse that it’s quite a distance and getting a nice fellow citizen whom you will talk to is a better option. Owing to the fact that I knew nobody, I just booked seat number 8; it’s a comfy seat and settled before a good looking gentleman filled the next vacant seat. A hybrid of satisfaction and happiness was written all over my face. This suggests no boredom, I almost mouthed this. I blame my happiness. I began getting busy with a newspaper I had bought just to make sure temptations of blushing reduced considering the looks the hunk guy was giving. Wait until he snatched the paper, and the next thing I saw some digits scribbled in the newspaper. He used gestures to tell me it’s his digits. I was quick to save and I beeped to ensure I got it right though a lady who was keen on the proceedings gave me weird suggesting looks. Who cares, we enjoyed the chat via text. On arriving at Nakuru, I stepped out and the above lady pulled my heel and before I could react, I had fallen down PUU!!What followed was abuses, bwana yangu ooh, bwana yangu that! It was a scene created by an angry lady but I don’t blame her she must have been hungry. A hungry man is an angry man, but how could I have known he was the hubby? That’s how I never met your father.