OPEN LETTER TO JUNE
Happy birthday, good morning, Shalom brother or sister, how are you holding up? I don’t expect you to reply right away, I’ll wait till you resurrect on Sunday buddy, how I had missed you. By the road, I was among the mourners on the day of your burial on 31st May 2013 though I got no chance of writing your eulogy. Yesterday, I received the best news ever when your mother May made that call and said, `Mumbi, please for your kindness, love and concern, have the privilege of gracing my son or daughter’s birthday. Trust me I felt happier than Mama Fidel (Ida Odinga) after she received that PDA on Wednesday.
Talking of PDA’s, your mother and grandmother and great grandmother instilled the spirit of big wigs expressing love to their better halves in public. Do you intend to borrow the leaf too? And if you do, who is next? Give me a sign; I wouldn’t mind being branded the `prophetess of truth’.
Now that your mother will soon be dead, let me be the first to send my condolences, we shall mourn and celebrate her at the same time. However, while at her womb, you are given the privilege to choose what or what not to inherit; choose wisely. Don’t and again I say don’t inherit terrorism, poverty, accidents, campus fee incremental, just to mention but a few. We shall be glad to put those in your mother’s casket so they are buried with her. Nevertheless, I recommend you inherit twirra, Skype, viber, fb, whatsapp. Instagram, well, 2go can go to hell.
As a new born baby, allow me to brief you on some things so that you can live `life bila regrets’ on your 30day life span. I know you know you are a vey cold fellow and that will never change, you can try being a little bit friendly though. Your coldness come with the baby making powers, would you please control that by telling people who have no intent of being parents to zip up or use contraceptives. It is because of you and your kid July that we will have to buy warm clothing, if only you can control their prices, or do you want to see us shiver in the cold? I know you are not that type.
My dear, I am still in the process of composing the speech to deliver as I grace your centennial but you can be sure of no disappointment. Please jump out of that womb in style and avoid drama. I told you `Macharia’ (much earlier) the do’s and don’ts don’t disappoint too. One more thing, how are gossips holding up; Jay Z, Jay Z’s sister in law? I have this feeling that you have no clue of what this is. How about the Nishike song, are people still mad at Sauti sol because, on a personal basis, that video just make me go gaga. Just remind your mother to brief you on the same before she dies, exactly one week from now. My condolences in advance child for you will lose your mother but not forever as your kind resurrect after a year.
How I wait for your resurrection. Till you get out of that womb on Sunday, I miss you like no one’s business.
ION, have the best Saturday ever.