HOW I NEVER MET YOUR FATHER EPISODE 1

SERIES: HOW I NEVER MET YOUR FATHER.

 

2008, is the year I was fortunate to hit 2 birds with one stone; I cleared secondary education and joined facebook. Time to time, my pals could eat `mushene’ on how they met cute boys in fb. This was well reflected by the traffic of men they attracted during `funkies’, well, while I had almost none by my side. What else did I need to believe that there is love in fb? It was time I gave it a shot too, they say in every rumor lies some truth.

 

 

 

While other girls took their autobiography round to be signed, I was busy planning on how to get Julia, the fb guru and get things done. This is a day I had waited for more that the 2007 tharaka nithi results. Is the sh. 500 I had saved going to be enough, will Julia turn me down, will I get a boyfriend? Those were the questions running on my mind before Julia arrived.

 

 

 

I had it all planned at the beginning of the term. First, I had sneaked with my small sister’s dress so that it could appear like a mini-pencil to me, disappeared with my bro’s sneakers to add aromat to the dress, and borrowed my neighbor’s `bandana’. On the cover up, Julia had promised to lend me her jumper which had a hood in exchange of 2lollipops. Forgive my sense of fashion. We packed our stuff, took them to some shop and headed to the cyber.

 

 

 

`nimekuletea customer brathe’, Julia told the cyber guy who was overwhelmed and promised to buy her a smokie for a job well done. I had changed to my outfit in the city council lavatory, so the picture was taken right away. According to my rating, the photo reflected elegancy, class, and Kim Kardashian came 2nd, of course after me. Julia gave me moral support of the number of inboxes and comments that would come with that photo. Due to my doubting Thomas skills, we bet with the prize being 2 DJ Afro’s movies. The cyber guy asked for some personal info which I willingly gave.

 

 

 

`sasa uko fb kamresh, ingia urequest watu’, these were one of the best news, I had had in years. Only God, Julia and the cyber guy know how joyful I was at that moment. I made many requests and posted my photo which as predicted was followed by lots of comments and inboxes from the Abraham’s kind. Every commenter complemented on my natural beauty, no need for make up to be a cutie, not forgetting the lovely sense of fashion. I replied with `axanteni xana xana, dats how ts dan’.

 

 

There is this tall brown handsome gent who in boxed me and my heart pitter a pat, those were answered prayers. OMG, he was just my taste, I even started imagining how cute our children would be like. He is brown, I am chocolate, I am vertically challenged, growing tall is his hidden talent, what else did I want? We chat and planned to meet that following weekend. Julia, nimepata kama mwenye mi hutaka, she received many high fives than the number of people she had shaken hands with.

 

 

We passed by `mtush’ and bought clothes to put on on that material day. Considering my `great’ sense of fashion, your guess of what we bought is right. On Saturday, I borrowed my bro’s phone to ease communication with my ideal man. It was a `kabambe’, so we planned to meet near a `simu ya jamii’ just to play safe. When I was few metres away, I called and as I observed on who picked, my dreams proved invalid. He was the age of `Francis Atwoli’. Good heavens, sema disappointment!!!

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