THE BLACK AND WHITE LIES LADIES TELL.
I wrote on the lies men tell but that does not mean that the circle of Hannah is perfect. We don’t always tell the truth, sometimes it’s for fake reasons, other times it’s to keep peace. Men, rich, poor, rich, poor men are left to figure us out, we who have more layers than an onion. I am extremely sorry ladies but it’s a bit healthy that a lie sheet is given to them. Let’s go honest.
1. My name is Mary.
There is that pack of menfolk who always want to know her name even when she finds it unnecessary. To avoid appearing stingy with her name, she will without a second thought proclaim that she is Mary. I use it too, but have no idea why; maybe it has a thing to like being related to Virgin Mary Mother of Jesus. Men, you can scroll your phonebook up and down and start guessing the real `Mary’s’.
2. The sex was fucking awesome.
Most ladies want to boost his ego and will thus use phrases like: I only cum with you, your penny is heaven sent, l just experienced an organism, will dominate sex talks. Yes, she will let out these flattering statements even when deep down in her, you are close to the worst. However, if she keeps rating you good, she will most likely give you a clue of whether she means it not. For instance, `Morris, that was awesome, although next time lets change to bend over, we have had enough of missionary’. That implies that she needs more adventures, take what she tells you with a grain of salt.
3. I am not ready to date.
She is single and she says it loud but when you approach her she gives excuses. Either she wants some me time, she is busy, or she needs to get over her ex. Brother, most likely she is lying and she is just softening rejection, instead of telling you to your face that she isn’t interested.
4. How much you earn is not a bother.
This is one black lie. Ladies long for a man who smells stability, one who will fulfill them financially and is not penny-pinching. Most men will tend to believe this and get into the comfort zone that slowly by slowly money searching skills fade away. You got it wrong man, she cares but saying she doesn’t raises a red flag that finances is key, I would donate a 3rd eye to let you see this. LOL.
5. I have been with Y number of boyfriends.
Hardly will a lady tell the veracity of the number of boys she has enjoyed a plate of remarkable food (read sex) with. May be she doesn’t keep count, maybe she fears her number is higher than yours, or maybe that’s her dirty little secret. Whichever the reason, it is easy to know she is lying as she will confuse herself at some point in her stories.
6. I have your digits, I’ll halla at you.
Being a heartbreaker isn’t always cool so to avoid this, ladies tend to tell lies. Figure this out, Julia meets Morris who requests for her digits in the name of calling the next day before he pays her a visit. It’s not a wonder is she says something like `I have your digits, let me give you a call instead’. Trust me he waits for that call till forever.
7. Hi babe, sweetheart, honey pie.
It’s late in the night and Morris receives a text.
Julia: hi babe, you’ve been quiet lately. You have no idea how I’ve missed you. Any who, I want a great favor, can you?
Morris: (overwhelmed). Hey there. Yes, go on. Anything for my darling.
Julia: I travelled home to see my sick grandma. Would you please do professor Kyoto’s assignment for me?
Morris: you can count on me dear.
Julia: mwaaaaaaaah!!!!! You are the best. That won’t go unrewarded.
She was only babying and sweet hearting you for the errand other factors constant. The rest is lies. You will be surprised to find out that the grandma happens to be the man responsible for her heart pattering a pat.
8. I have no fare.
Matters of being a gentleman have been misused to be a disservice to men. How many times did you invite her to your place and she had fare? Forgive us but when it comes to us visiting you the title broke ass is attached on our face. We lie that our hair is pathetic and that may call the date off; this just means the man needs to dig deeper and take care of a new hairstyle. How ladies play smart.
9. I am in my PS./ red wings
This is a lie nearly every girl has told, especially at that time when she is moody, not interested in sex or she feels that you are not just worth the goodies. The best a man can do to avoid getting blue balls in case she is in her `periods’ is to expect anything. For the ladies, don’t be surprised when he turns your dreams to invalid by arguing that he enjoys it more when it’s that time of the month. He just marched a step ahead.
Have I left out anything? You can add others. I feel like I have celebrated national/international honesty day.
Enjoy your weekend buddies.
Kisses. The Unique Mumbi.