THROWBACK, RELIC AND MUCH MORE

THROWBACK, RELIC AND MUCH MORE

It’s funny how life changes with a snap (not the booze) of a finger. It’s even more hilarious how men say that they do not want ladies who drink, don’t know how to cook, are gold diggers, and all those jargons that describe most campus ladies. What these men fail to know is that those wifeable ladies they admire have just got older, went to catering schools to learn how to cook but they were the same ones who were not wife materials. It’s funny how (my template for today) different our Fridays, Saturdays’ and Sundays happenings change lanes as we take a roundabout of age. May be the message has not sank, and is not in black and white yet; that’s why this is the first paragraph…`twende kazi’.

  • NURSERY AND PRIMARY SCHOOL
  • FRIDAYS

While in the aforesaid school, we would look forward to Friday, because we will had a break till Monday. If you happened to be in a public school and as old (er) as me, then closing day was on this day. Pupils would be high in spirits and a phrase of `I will close with you’ (ngahinga nawe, in my vernacular) was common. Those who decipher that `TULITOKA MBALI’ a couple of you must know the whole cast of bold and the beautiful. (Is it still aired BTW?)

The worst part was cleaning classes and the loads of homework.

  • SATURDAYS

This was a day of games, from `kati to bano to hide and seek to cha mama cha baba to rope skipping to driving tyres’. How I miss those days, when we would argue for an hour on who should count on hide and seek. Most `watoto wa siku hizi’ will miss this experience because they play the artificial games in their smart and ugly phones. This was a day of weddings, when all kids from the village had to attend a wedding just to enjoy the piece of cake.

The worst part though is when one received a thorough beating for staying late at the play field and disremembering to take a bath.

  • SUNDAYS

Now kids got the opportunity to put on their Sunday best and march to church. There was a tradition in our church that Sunday school goers had to be given sweets on Sunday; trust me even boys and girls from class 7, 8 and from 1 would swallow their age and attend Sunday school. Most homes cooked chapatti on this day and thus kids had to ask each other kwenu mnapika nini jioni? That way, they would ensure they visited nearly every home with some sweet aroma to get a piece…poor us!! What followed was to wait for omo pick a box (R.I.P. Regina Mutoko), then vitimbi, then penzi hatari if my memory is not as rotten.

The worst part is when one had to sleep late completing homework, polishing shoes, getting the uniform.

  • HIGH SCHOOL
  • FRIDAYS

If you were in a school like mine, we had a celebration of a piece of meat on Fridays. Furtherance, letters were issued on this day giving girls a chance to fantasize the whole night; some even went to an extent of jerking off after rereading a `sweetheart, you are the only water in my tank, bean in my githeri, sweetness in my KC, followed by `yoriyori by Bracket’ on the dedication section. One would oversleep to cover for the morning preps.

The worst part was the assembly where one had to dress to impress from head to toe, and keep praying that he/she will not have 15minutes of fame for all the wrong reasons. Most punishments were on during this day.

  • SATURDAYS

Well, finally for the ladies, the hair would be fed with some oil, stay without a blouse, tie, and socks; it was a day of casuals. Entertainment was full force and that’s when kiss 100 had the most listeners courtesy of the high schoolers.

The worst was the communal. In our school, we would plant avocadoes, trim grass on a 3 by 4 segment each, water flowers, carry manure; one acquired nearly every farming skill in detail.

  • SUNDAYS

One would wish that handsome men (for girls) and cute ladies (for boys) would show up for the service so that the students take for signing their, was it bibles, autobiographies or what? There was that group that got saved every Sunday after the preaching touches them, (baada ya kuguzwa) I think they would backslide on Monday morning.

The worst part was the fact that the next day would be on Monday and assignments are still undone.

  • AFTER HIGHSCHOOL
  • FRIDAYS

All posts, tweets, WhatsApp status read TGIF, enjoying guarana at club……, who will join me for a Renny Martin Loius xiii bottle?(it costs 1,225,000 BTW). I have never traced a post like `join us for a kesha at this and that church, or are all my connections booze lovers? I don’t think so. At this age and day, ladies look forward to dress to kill while men keep wishing they would borrow the looks of Otieno, Mudigo, Chimanu and Baraza or else the lines of P-UNIT.

The not so pleasant happenings of this day include fights, dissing moments and chips funga.

  • SATURDAYS

This is a day of picnics, cleaning here and there, shopping, swimming and…..wait for it; weddings.

The worst from this day is when a lady finds herself with a stranger in her birthday suit spiced up with a G-string. The man who experienced a one night stand wakes up to check on the list that has gone viral, like that of Mary Munene and even worse finds his name as number 90. Hangover is the order of the day for many.

  • SUNDAYS

Long dresses, suits and spiritual posts grace the day. It is a day of apologies and confessions whereby the man/woman who cheated on his/her spouse runs to do a confession. It all about getting spiritual.

The worst thing is that morning is coming, job, CATs, and those `OMG the weekend is over’ posts. Some people of my age wish `vitimbi’ still existed to crack our ribs till theatres can hold patients no more.

What did I leave out?

Happy FURAHI DAY PEOPLE.

KISSES.

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