A new month comes with new everything; new hashtags for generation Y, new hairstyle, new stories, and a new post just for lovelies like you to engage your senses. Yesterday I met a clique of my girls and we did what we do best, `beat stories’. We are nearing the campus gate and thus most of what we talk about is how we are going to make it or make it after school. As the Kenyan culture dictates, the plans of many are to acquire a job, and then a hubby/wife, then kids, and life goes on without reversing. Indeed when I grow up, I don’t wish to sing to this rhythm. I thought that only humorists make ribs crack until I listened to my girl’s story on house helps shenanigans.

Most middle and flush class families have house helps to assist them around; you better make sure that their salary is at least 10k by the road; otherwise, “the cell is your portion,’’ says the law. A Myriad of the DH (domestic house helps) are from an unknown village from the middle of somewhere, and them reaching the city is a miracle come true without planting any 310 seed. So, this DH lands at Mrs. Kioko’s place, and she cannot wait to begin working and get her first salary; her patience is wanting. Mrs. recognizes that an orientation will do wonders, and she thus shows her around and how to do things. Thank heaven she is an excellent and fast learner and Mrs.’s confidence in her builds up; she starts counting her blessings and names that as one.

Mrs. was super tired as job had been hectic, and she could not wait to arrive home and say goodbye to her thirst. On arrival, the DH rushes to check if she needs anything upon which Mrs. says, `maji, hii kiu itanimaliza’ (water, this thirst is going to kill me). The submissive, hardworking lady utilizes her Rift Valley skills, and before Mrs. bats her eye, there was a glass full of clean water on the table. She emptied the glass very fast and even asked for a second and third one. After the second drink, the DH said that there was no more water.

Househelp: Mama, maji kaisha.

Mrs.: Aaai, jana nilinunua maji ya 20litres, kwani wanywa maji kama hewa?

Househelp: ni ukweli, nimecharibu kuchota kwa hiyo bot lakini imekauka kau kau. (It’s true; I have attempted to fetch water from the pot but its empty)

Mrs.: ati pot? Iko wapi? Maji iko kwa dispenser. (Pot? Where is it? The water is in the dispenser)

Houshelp: Kwa kale kachumba kamejaa nguo za ndani. Jana yake ulinituma nipeleke tissue. (In that room that has undies where you sent me to take a tissue paper yesterday).

Mrs.: Wuui, kwa choo??? (Vomiting episodes begin).

Mrs. Loo

DHs need thorough orientation, sort of an A-Z thing. Assuming that they know stuff will only land you to shock land if not in Vomiting land and heaven yes, it’s going to be an irreplaceable adventure. Now, don’t blame me if she takes omo for salt, peanut butter for cooking oil, microwave for a fridge, blender for a kettle, and before you know it, she thinks the swimming pool is the bath tab, and you are enjoying royco tea. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Till next time, let me dig for my #MCM…..oooops, it’s Wednesday!!


house helps


4 thoughts on “EMPTY POT, HEAVEN YEAH!!

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